Elizabeth Corday, MD

Back to Back Doubles

2006-04-19T01:57:00.000-05:00

Has it really been that long since my last update? wow.

Our son Reilly was diagnosed with Pyloric Stenosis, last week. However, I knew that something wasn't right the way he was projectile vomitting and his abdomen wasn't feeling right. I went with my instinct and took him to his pediatrician. That got me nowhere, they refused to run tests claiming they were "unnecessary" so I took him to the hospital that we work at and within minutes Kerry and I had him in an exam room and I was taking an ultrasound. There it was, Pyloric Stenosis. Kerry called surgery and about 15 minutes later, we were filling out the forms.

I paged Robert and asked him if he'd perform the surgery, we shared a few moments of what the surgery would require and decided upon surgical judgment and my surgical opinion that we'd go with laproscopic because it was less invasive. I wanted to scrub in but was told not to, "parents shouldn't operate on their children" it's one of our hospital rules. I went into the observation area with Mark, our son hit a few complications which got me fretting in the intercom to Robert, the end of the surgery went well and I ended up crying on Mark. We were reunited with Reilly in post-op and I spoke with Robert, I stayed with Reilly until Mark's shift started and was told to go home and get some sleep, and I wanted to be with Ella who was with my Mum.

As I was leaving the hospital Kerry asked me how the Surgery went and called me over to triage. She reached down and lifted up Reilly's carseat with his toys and blanket in it. I teared up, he was going to be fine. There was just a part of me that wanted so much for him to be in it. I thanked her and put his blanket in the carseat and locked it in the base in the car. When I got home I explained everything to Ella who was crying upset that her brother wasn't home with me. I made Ella dinner and she slept in our bed.

The next few days from Wednesday through Saturday were exhausting. Mark and I were taking turns working nights so that someone would always be at the hospital with Reilly. Ella went and saw him on Thursday and Friday, both times she cried. I went in on Friday during my shift and Robert was actually holding him, getting him calmed down a bit. It was the most I've ever seen him interact with a child before. Saturday came around and in the afternoon while Ella was at Soccer practice I went to the hospital and picked Reilly up. He was discharged but he was on a strict diet and heavily medicated.

We came home and everything went well. I gave him a bath and dressed him, then took him to pick up Ella from soccer. She loved it. Some of the parents there have been incredibly supportive and that was nice. We came home and my mum carried him around the house singing to him, Ella helped me with dinner and Mark called at least 10 times checking on him. When he came home Saturday night he spent at least 2 hours with him in the chair in our room, just talking to him. It was the sweetest conversation I had to secretly overhear between Mark and our Son. The days to follow had been nice, he's been eating well and not crying, very little spit up or what I would at least consider normal.

Tomorrow he goes in for post-op appointment (check up) and we're going to remove his sutures. Ella has the rest of the week off due to Easter break, and I do believe Rachel flies home at the end of the week to resume school. Robert and I found out we had passed our certification and are now putting together a training schedule for our Surgical attendings and residents.

Echo Kardio Grahm

2006-04-04T02:29:00.000-05:00

I've had the worst luck working in the E.R as of late. I was paged down to the E.R on a consult only to have the patient refuse care because he wanted an American doctor and he continued to ignore my questions and when I approached him for the exam he started kicking and swinging, knocking over the tools and shouting on the top of his lungs. After Mark and Carter got him in restraints I turned and said, "Fine, have it your way, bleed to death" and walked out of the exam room. Upon later exam he didn't need surgery and the entire consult was nothing but a humiliation trip.

Robert and I didn't get our certification results today, hopefully tomorrow. I'm realistically at a point where I just want to know either way. Rachel called Surgery today to ask if I'd come to their class tomorrow to talk to the students about Surgeon's life. Long story short, I've got to be at the school at 11am. That's really the only time I've got between surgeries, hopefully that will go well.

Reilly is still sick, no longer congested or coughing but now spitting up most of his formula and still favoring an on again off again fever. My mum was holding him and kept moving about rapidly which caused him to spit up all over her. Ella has been incredibly good with him, today she sat in the living room with him while he was in his swing she was telling him about the weebles and talking him through invader zim. She kept waking him up to tell him about the show.

Robert left last night for a conference in Las Vegas, this leaves Shirley and I to debate the surgical boards. I got all of our research programs sorted and had time to get notes and prepare for Rachel's class lecture.

To Be Alone With You

2006-04-03T01:37:00.000-05:00

This weather is bloody well awful! I really can't believe how cold it is. The time change didn't bother me as much as I thought it would, since Mark and I spent most of the night up with Reilly I was as tired as I would have been if I had gotten 5 hours of sleep straight on.

Before I left for work this morning Reilly had gotten sick but Mark insisted he was going to be alright on his own with Katherine. I got to work and it was a mess of rubbish. I was tied up in the O.R for most of the day, thankfully Jeremy covered the E.R consults. I returned to the E.R to cover for Jeremy and had the worst time. I've never had patients give me a hard time as they did. I was vomitted on, threatened and had a patient throw the suture tray over. Just as I finished Kerry came in and informed me we had a trauma on the way and they needed me.

During the trauma Jerry came in and needed either Mark or I because Katherine was in Triage with Reilly. I left the trauma and went to see what was wrong. Katherine said he was coughing really bad and had a high fever and wouldn't stop crying so she thought it best to bring him in. I took him to the curtain area and Chuny assisted, he had a fever of 101.4 and was getting poor air supply due to congestion, and from crying was dehydrated. We started him on an IV. He responded well to the IV and we put him on oxygen and had to tape it to his cheeks because he kept pulling it out of his nose. Chuny brought over a breathing treatment to use on him. I think everyone in the hospital knew my sons cry after 15 minutes of him screaming.

The breathing treatment made him incredibly sleepy. After the breathing treatment we took him off oxygen and gave him another breathing treatment and this time I took his IV bag and took him down to sutures where it was reasonably quiet. Mark came in and sat with me, he took Reilly from me and held him while Chuny and I removed the IV. Mark carried him around the suture room to get him to stop crying from the IV removal. It was incredibly cute seeing my husband walk the hospital with our crying son in scrubs, that must be a morbid doctor thing?

Reilly had a little more life in him after the breathing treatment and IV. I took the rest of my shift off and took him home, he seemed fine the rest of the evening. He had 4oz of formula, I gave him a bath and he went to bed. Mark came home after 8 and we had dinner, it was quiet and almost felt as if we didn't have children, quite shocking if you ask me. He spent some time with Ella and called Rachel who's staying at her friends house. Mark was sitting in Reilly's room with a breathing treatment which he got from the hospital and said he was sleeping. My mother came home and we had tea, she told me all about the Northwestern Lecture and later went to bed. Mark is going to Rachel's school in the morning and Robert and I are to find out if we passed certification or not.

Rites in Spring

2006-04-02T03:38:00.000-05:00

I completely forgot about this bloody American Daylight-Savings time that goes into affect, at 3am? I wouldn't have known this if it hadn't been for Kerry calling the house to remind all Attendings (Mark) that the clocks go ahead an hour and there shouldn't be an excuse for the attendings (Mark) to be late to work in the morning. I honestly don't know how many of the clocks in the house are daylight-savings time ready. I know our kitchen clocks are all digitally programmed. The computers and bedroom clock are set as well as our pagers and cell phones. We've decided to set all of the clocks an hour ahead of the time we're supposed to be up for work just in case.

Reilly is still sick, I spent Friday and Today with him trying to get him feeling better. The only time he seems to feel better is during a warm bath and just after when he's laying in his diaper without clothes on. We gave him a total of 3 baths today, his fever is still in the high 90's low 100's. He's mildly congested but is now favoring a cough that worries me. Mark gave him a bath this evening and afterwards brought him downstairs in his diaper and blanket. He said that Reilly kept crying when he tried to put clothes on him. I fed him and took him up to his room, since his room was warm I put his thermal blanket over him then his fleece and comforter. I checked on him an hour later and he seemed to be keeping warm just fine.

My mother has been in town for 2 days and it's already feeling like a month. Katherine is coming to the house in the morning to watch the kids. Both Mark and I have to work tomorrow and Rachel is staying at her friends house tomorrow for Parent Career Week. My mother is going to a lecture at Northwestern University, so in the least Katherine will be in peace. Rachel asked both Mark and I to participate in her Parent Career Week at her school. For an hour on Monday Mark and I go to her classroom and talk to the students about our career choices and on either Wednesday or Friday the students shadow our job for the day.

I'm in a high debate to not go to work tomorrow if Reilly is still sick. I don't want to leave him at home if he's got the flu, but Mark insists that he'll be alright. Maybe I should stick with my gut reaction? Possibly I'm over reacting. Anyway, we'll see tomorrow.

Adenosine

2006-03-31T01:51:00.000-06:00

Robert and I got the notification that our certification results will be sent out on friday and we'll have them on Monday or Tuesday at the latest. We took the boards exams and hands on walk through. If I did well then I'll pass, if I didn't pass I'm going to be so bloody well pissed off I'll be sharing some words with NWU. However, I don't think that's the case, but I'll fret over it until I get the official word.

Mark and I haven't had much sleep lately. Reilly isn't sleeping through the night and in the last 24 hours has developed a cold. He's favoring a low fever with congestion, we put him on a breathing treatment to open and clear up his lungs to avoid fluid buildup and lots of menthol vapor. As of late Reilly has been sleeping in his playpen in our bedroom so his middle of the night crying wouldn't wake up the girls. However, now he won't sleep in his crib. Since he's been sick the vapor treatments have been smelling our room up like menthol which is stomach turning. We put the vapor back in his room and last night let him sleep in his crib. He cried for almost an hour before falling asleep, but since that we've not had one problem getting him to sleep in his crib. I told Katherine (our nanny) to make him take his naps in his crib and use the baby monitor. She said he didn't cry at all, I think we've just solved a problem.

I have to go to the hospital early tomorrow to get a cbc, chest xray and ultrasound. Since the hospital chemical exposure I've been fighting nausea and I can live with that, but my wbc is low and that worries me a little. Hopefully I'll get it all sorted out tomorrow, and if anything get some answers. It's now affecting my work, during an ER round exam on an elderly patient Mark asked for a procedure and turned and I left the room and was in the other exam room vomitting. He came in and asked if I was alright and then said I looked pale and should go home. I stayed until 2pm and it was only 10 in the morning. I got home and Katherine said she'd stay until Rachel or Mark came home.

I went upstairs and took a shower, the last thing I remember is the clock saying 3:10pm. I woke up to Mark's hand on my hand and asking if I was feeling alright. I didn't really say anything because I was half awake. I asked where the kids were and he said don't worry about it and that he made dinner and gave Ella and Reilly their baths. I asked him how work was and he said he was tired. I put my hand on his neck and he seemed as though he needed to relax. I grabbed his hand and pulled him down next to me, he layed down and I turned facing him with my hand in his and my other hand on his head. Within literally a few minutes we were both asleep, the downside to this? Waking up at 3am wide awake. I went and checked on the kids and Mark took a shower, Reilly was asleep in his crib he managed to kick his blankets off of himself so I covered him up. Ella was asleep on the sofa downstairs with the tv on. I picked her up and took her up to her room. Rachel was sound asleep so I turned all the lights off downstairs and went up to the room and Mark called me, I went into the bathroom and we were talking. We found ways of entertaining ourselves at 3am, the irony is that I'm not tired and I have Friday and Saturday off of work.

Watch Over Them

2006-03-22T02:42:00.000-06:00

We've got enough medicine in our house to run a third world hospital. I went in to work this morning and found out I was put on Surgical Clinic. I spoke with Robert who thought it was best considering I'm sick and after he threw his ego around for a little while he told me I'd be scrubbing in with him in the afternoon for a procedure. Around 9 in the morning I went to the E.R to get something for my throat and Carter thougth it best to administer it via IV. 10 minutes later I felt like I had been given Atropine, and felt dizzy. Carter said it was nothing and I'd be fine. I went back to Surgery and it got worse. Robert pulled me aside and told me that Carter gave me the right medication, just the wrong type. Basically instead of giving me functionability antibiotics he gave me what would be administered if I were a patient and able to rest. We went to the E.R and Robert ranted at Carter saying, "Because your an idiot, I'm down a surgeon and now we're short staff. Do me a favor, if I need medical attention see to it that I get someone that knows what the hell they're doing" and walked away.

I got home before 10 and Mark seemed shocked that I was home. I told him what happened and he checked my BP. He then informs me that the antibiotic side effect that's most common is nervousness. I was so dizzy that I felt as though I was going to be sick. I went to bed but it didn't help.

Even right now as I type this I feel out of it, I might actually cut this short. I've got to be at work tomorrow morning to perform surgery on Liam the little boy hit by the car a few weeks ago. He needs surgery again but because of the high fever we can't operate until it goes down. Mark and I are in talk with Katherine (our past nanny) to take over for Callie who's depatring due to personal obligations. Tomorrow will be far more interesting than today.

Next of Kin

2006-03-16T00:54:00.000-06:00

The word for today is tense. Mark and I were up most of the night last night talking, he's a mess of emotions right now, with his dad being in and out of the hospital and Rachel being sick it's taking it's toll on him. I got to bed just before 4am and the alarm started going off just after 5. I got up and got Ella ready for school, Mark gave Reilly a bath and fed him. Jenn called to let us know that Rachel was going to be at school and would be at the hospital afterwards. Callie came to the house half past 7. I left for work and Mark was taking Ella to school.

Work was hell on earth. I was the only Surgeon on the boards for the E.R and we're running short staff due to student rotation changes and exams. There were a few blow up moments but we had a good staff today and everything went as well as could be expected. Usually Mark and I don't take the same Trauma's but I think we worked on at least 4 today, all went well. That's really what matters. Our E.R and Surgical wards have seperate banquets. Kerry and Mark have both asked if I was going to go to the E.R banquet and I declined both times.

Rachel came to the hospital after school and waiting with Jerry in Triage. Since the E.R banquet was tonight the E.R staff left work at 4pm. Since I'm surgical in the E.R I had to stay until 6. that made absolutely no sense to me, it was slow and I got into a conversation with Frank about the British Troops. I must be the only person who doesn't take his comments seriously.

Marks dad has been at our house since being discharged, He's difficult to deal with. He doesn't follow instructions, never wears his oxygen and insists of fighting over his medication. His vitals weren't looking good around 9pm this evening, I checked his oxygen every 30 minutes and his vitals every hour. It's scary, if he doesn't follow medication and instruction he's not going to live much longer. If his breathing doesn't improve by tomorrow mornng he's going to have to go back to the hospital, and I had to inform Mark when he got home.

Ruth, Mark and I sat at the table and discussed the situation, Mark and I medically clashed a few times but he knows that by miracle of a chance he could be correct. Ruth told us that his father is a DNR and that seemed to shock Mark. Ruth went to bed, I think it was her way of allowing Mark to take in what she told him. We are still without a plan and we're going to take it one step at a time.

Code Of Energy

2006-03-14T02:48:00.000-06:00

Reilly is 2 months old as of today (yesterday) the 13th. I can't believe it's been 2 months since his birth, it seems as though he's still a newborn. After Rachel's Appy she was in POPR for 3 days until we could remove the tube from her side. After I removed the tube and gave her sutures she was moved to another room, she stayed overnight and was discharged friday morning before I was on call. Dr.Lawson overwrote my orders and discharged her, there was a note from Jenn left in the E.R for Mark and I that I got from Frank stating that Jenn was taking Rachel home (her home) to look after her stating that, "She'd get better care with a full time parental attention". Mark was heated about this when I called him, despite our efforts Jenn didn't answer her phone.

After work Friday I came home and Mark was incredibly upset about the situation,which he has every right to be. Angry,and betrayed. Here Jenn can't be bothered so much as picking up the phone to return our calls letting her knowt hat Rachel was ill in the first place and then to leave without notice, when Rachel needs to be close to the hospital in case if something happens. Mark tried to call Rachel's cell phone and Ella answered it, she left it at home. Ella has been mopey and sad since Rachel has been gone, it's been hard for her to understand why she's not home. Ella and I cleaned Rachel's room yesterday, washed her bedding and put her stuff away, Ella closed her door, however this morning I went to wake Ella up for school and she was sleeping on Rachel's bed.

Our certification class is going well, we're spending less time there and more in our hospital O.R which makes things easier, research articles, studies and demonstrations are what we're working on. How to properly operate the tools and our official certification tests begin next week.

Upon returning to work around 1pm, I went to the O.R and not even 10 minutes later was paged back to the E.R only it was Mark. He got a page from Rachel's school and when he went to the school they asked him if Rachel needed work for thursday and friday since Jenn took all of her in class work for Monday-Wednesday. This is alarming, she's not putting an effort in with getting Rachel back to us and things are getting tense. Mark hasn't even spoken to Rachel since the Thursday night before she was discharged.

I have a meeting tomorrow with a fellow Surgeon who in fact makes situations incredibly uncomfortable, knowingly we only team up or meet when things are going wrong in his life or with his career. I find this somewhat troublesome and complicated. However, I will go and attempt a civil meeting. To top it off I have a dinner with our Surgical Resident and Med Student, this seems to break the ice.

Mark worked until 2am, came home and we talked until he fell asleep. Ironically it was nice, Reilly didn't sleep through the night he kept me up from 12am to 2am and then woke up again at 4am and slept until I work up at almost 6:30. I didn't let him sleep that much today so hopefully he sleeps longer tonight.

On a side note, Ella's school pictures haven't come back yet but it looks like she got a placement at the Academy for next years K program. She's going for the admissions test on Friday and if that goes well we're going to enroll her.

The Nurse

2006-03-09T02:27:00.000-06:00

Rachel had been sick for quite a while and I had a bad feeling about it. On Sunday we took her to the E.R. to have an ultrasound which confirmed appendicitis. By the time Mark got to the hospital she was being transported to the O.R for surgery, in hopes that we would get it before it ruptured. Dr.Lawson and and Dr. Meyers were the only two on call for surgery. Lawson is a resident and Meyers is an intern. I changed into scrubs and put my name on the board to operate.

Mark came up to the O.R and we spoke momentarily before I scrubbed in and began the procedure. Dr. Lawson assisted and everything was going as planned, unfortunately we didn't get to the Appy in time and we had to deal with a rupture. It was far more invasive and took longer than expected, I heard Robert came in so I had him paged up to the O.R to get his opinion on leaving a tube for draining any excess fluid. He came up and agreed, after we closed Robert left and Dr.Lawson and a nurse took Rachel to Post OP Recovery.

I spoke with Mark and by this time Jenn had arrived and attacked me with a majority of questions. What caused the abrupt rupture was taking medicine for her flu, which I think was pending appy waiting to happen. Although her symptoms weren't very clear since appy doesn't usually come with high fever as Rachel had. She has spent the last few days recovering at the hospital. I was on call Sunday night to Monday and was with her when she woke up and she asked if I performed the surgery and I told her I did, she seemed to like that. The first 2 days were a bit rough but today she was feeling much better and I took her to walk the halls this afternoon, she went to visit David and was able to eat something. If all continues to go well she might come home as soon as Friday, pending how well draining is going and making sure there isn't an infection.

Monday morning Robert and I had the certification which is terrible. We completed our demonstration and passed with flying colors and afterwards the professor informed us that we only had to show up on lecture days (Mondays) to go over new material on how to use the tools. Because this is a medical school we're sitting in an 4 hour class learning procedures we've performed hundreds of times. It's become visibly boring, now we get to spend 2 hours a week in lecture and the other 6 of our week in the hospital working. Lovely news to hear on a 16 hour shift.

Jenn was going to stay at our house while Rachel recovered in the hospital but instead she opted to stay at a hotel. I picked Ella up from school today and she came to the hospital to see Rachel, she brought her a flower that she picked at school. They were in Rachel's room for about 4 hours watching a show together and looking at magazines. Ella brought Rachel her nintendo ds with The Sims and her iPod so she could listen to it while in bed. I have to hand it to Ella, she's been amazing through all of this. Her school pictures were today thankfully Ella doesn't destroy her hair and hopefully they turned out nice.

I have to get my blood drawn tomorrow due to a chemical exposure that Abby, Carter, Kerry, Robert, Mark, and I were exposed to while on call. I think it could be my mind but they say it starts with a small red rash on your hands/forearms.

My mother called and has informed me she is coming into town on Friday, I can't say that I'm excited. Reilly is going through this swing love phase, he loves being in his swing vs. any other bouncer, playpen, carseat, high chair, crib. It's dreadful! I'm also going to Rachel's school tomorrow to get the work she's missed over the last week and to talk to her teachers.

Cause=Time

2006-03-05T02:32:00.000-06:00

4am, My pager starts going off. I call the hospital and they inform me my shift has been changed for Sunday, instead of a 7am to 6pm I'm on from 7pm to 6am. I'm a little bitter about the switch and will raise in question when I go to work tomorrow. There is no way it should be acceptable to change AC Surgeons schedules, this is why we have residents and interns.

Marks father is doing better with treatment but continues to remove his oxygen therefore it's putting a delay on his discharge, after hearing this he hasn't removed the mask once. Mark's cousin called today to verify that David and Ruth were in town and wanted to have dinner this evening, Mark called him back and made plans to meet him.

Rachel's fever reduced however she was still feeling ill and wanted to stay home, Reilly is still sick but slept the entire drive, and Ella had her iPod so she was quiet for the most part. We were almost an hour late due to traffic and because it's in a busy area we had to walk a few blocks. It was freezing out so I got Ella's coat and we Reilly was asleep so we didn't want to take a chance and we put his carseat in the stroller lock for the carseat. A few blankets later and his diaper bag we started walking.

Dinner was nice, Seth is very sweet and I can see how they're related.Reilly was somewhat fussy but I gave him his bottle and he calmed down.Seth asked why he was on oxygen or if he had a tube for something, having looked I told him it was iPod headphones.Reilly loves music and if we're out and he has a bottle and we put the iPod on low volume he will fall asleep, this was true tonight as well. He fell asleep and I was able to swap out his bottle for his pacifier and he was sound asleep with the iPod on, he was amazed. I put his blanket on him and covered his carseat and he was good for the rest of the night. Ella was pretty tired once we finished dinner.

We walked around for a while and made it back to the car, we said goodbye and I got Reilly's carseat in the car and Ella in and Ruth said goodbye and gave Seth her phone number in San Diego and Mark told him he had to come by before he leaves next week and have dinner and to bring his fiancee. He agreed and said he wanted to see Rachel. On our way home the kids were asleep and we made it back in one piece somewhat late, kids are now in bed asleep. Drained is the only word I have for my current mood. At least I've got the morning/afternoon off tomorrow before going into work tomorrow night until Monday.

The Remedy

2006-03-04T01:59:00.000-06:00

Mark's father is responding well to the treatment, more importantly the breathing treatment which is clearing up the fluid in his lungs. We were afraid he was going to need intubation. This morning after I took Ella to school I took Ruth to the hospital so she could spend some time with him. Mark and I took Reilly to see his Peds doctor after he was up most of the night coughing and crying with congestion and a fever. They didn't give him a script, just a vapor plug for his wall and told us to give him fluids. Because of his age they don't want him medicated.

Rachel is on day 3 of no school, still favoring a 101-103 fever, if her fever doesn't degrade by tomorrow she's going to the hospital. Mark and Ella have food poisoning, both asleep and were sick most of the evening. Ella is sleeping on our bedroom floor because she claims her room was too warm and refused sleeping in the living room. Reilly smells like vitamin water and vicks vapor, he woke up about a little while ago and instead of formula or water I've been mixing 2oz Vitamin Water with 3oz bottled water.

It was fantastic having today off of work, and tomorrow as well. Sleeping for 3 hours straight was something I never thought I'd do again. Thank god for sick children getting plenty of rest.

3685

2006-03-03T02:03:00.000-06:00

I spent my day on my toes, it was one of those days where you spend 80 percent of it tense. I was paged into the hospital at 4 this morning for emergency surgery on liam who was having internal bleeding. Robert and I scrubbed in at half past 4 and stopped the bleeding and removed several irreparable wounds, we closed after 6 in the morning. I took liberty to shower in our Surgeons locker room and found new scrubs and started rounds. I was paged to David (Marks fathers) room where he was having a hard time breathing, and Ruth requested for me. It was chaos, 4 doctors and 2 Nurses doing nothing. I cleared the room and Ruth was having a panic attack so I put his oxygen on him and told him and Ruth to take a deep breath and how we were all going to take a deep breath and calmly relax. After a few minutes his vitals went up again and things were looking better. I talked to his doctor on call and informed him that David has to stay on constant oxygen, I signed the chart and went back to surgery.

Ellas school called around 10 or so this morning to inform me that they needed someone to pick her up because she refused to go with the class on their weekly park walk. I went to her school and she was sitting in the office crying, she didn't want to walk across the crosswalk where Liam was hit. After a 20 minute discussion on how it was an accident I took her back to the hospital. I met Mark in the E.R and asked him to take Ella to daycare, I filled him in later about what was going on. I called Rachel this afternoon to make sure she was feeling better, her fever worries me. Something isn't right about it, Jenn did finally call me back at the hospital and told me that she thinks her fever is a flu and she caught something from someone. I could be paranoid? who knows.

I'm off tomorrow technically, unless something happens with Liam then I'm back at the hospital. I'm also on 24 hour on call status as of 12am Friday morning. I'm off until Sunday night where I go back for a night shift in the E.R. It's going to be nice not going into work tomorrow, I can spend most of the day with Reilly and Ella. I'll also be home if Rachel needs anything, she didn't eat a lot today but she has been drinking a lot of fluids which is important. I think she ended up going to bed around 7 this evening, same time that Reilly went to bed. We just got Ella to bed a little after 9pm, She's going to be a pain in the arse to wake up tomorrow.

Collide

2006-03-02T01:53:00.000-06:00

Ella crying the entire morning, and when I dropped her off, 10 points. Showing up to class 15 minutes late because of a trauma, 5 points. Realizing that Robert and I were the only 2 that didn't have our group demonstration done and looking at each other in panic, 50 points.

We got the dates mixed up with another project (a research paper) and therefore, didn't do it. The professor asked me to stand up and explain why were weren't prepared. After a series of interrigating questions I snapped. Maybe it was from not sleeping much, or having a stressed workload. He asked Why didn't you have a demonstration prepared today" and I said, "Because I was too busy writing a 5 page research article on the pros and cons of Cardiovascular and Cardiothorasic Surgery, along with a 2 page review on a current surgery I performed in my hospital. I thought that was what we were supposed to have today and the demonstration was to be shown on Monday to better prepare for detail. However, I guess I was wrong and Robert and I both apologize for the misunderstanding" He accepted our reserach that we had, and we're doing a demonstration on Monday morning.

Mark's father has been admitted to the hospital, I was concerned about some pain he was having in his abdomen but tests show otherwise. He's undergoing breathing treatments and seeing an ENT Specialist tomorrow. Mark's mother is staying with us and that seems to be taking some of the stress off of her hands. Rachel had a 103 fever this morning, I called her school and then called her mother this evening to inform her, she never did call back.

As I was leaving work with Mark and the kids tonight I was paged back up to the ICU where Liam's (the little boy hit by the car) vitals started dropping, we got him stable again and the doctors on the night shift are running tests to see if he needs more surgery. I called his parents and they were on their way to the hospital, When his NS doctor gets the results he's going to contact me at home to let me know if I've got to come in and operate.

Until our staff expands from the loss of 2 surgeons in a period of 4 days everyone is working more hours. It's not bad if you don't mind little sleep, however it's taking a toll on those of us attending certification. Rachel's fever is scaring me, Mark sounds like he's catching a cold/flu. Callie (our nanny) returns on Monday, this is going to be nice. We're now housing Carter for the rest of the week. Something about his house/apartment having problems and he refuses to move back to his grandparents house. I work Thursday and have Friday and Saturday off. I'm really looking forward to it.

Miracle Worker

2006-03-01T02:11:00.000-06:00

I don't know how I managed to function properly at work today. I got hardly any sleep last night, between Reilly and Robert it was pure hell. Reilly kept waking up fussy and Robert kept waking up to vomit from overintoxication. I think today was one of of the rare days where nobody spoke to each other except for necessary discussion. Unless someone was stating vitals or requesting tools nobody said anything. This was bloody awful for everyone in surgery with Robert and I, considering that we only left surgery twice the entire shift. which started at 8am and ended after rounds at 6 or so this evening.

I was paged around 2pm this afternoon from Rachel letting me know she was out of school early and had Ella at home with her after school. I got Reilly after work and went home to the girls in a blow out fight. Apparently Ella asked Rachel if she'd put a dvd on for her (because it's too high for her to reach) and 2 hours later she asked Rachel again, and Rachel told her to wait. Ella being angry about it took Rachel's things and hid them around the house. By the time Rachel figured out her stuff was missing Ella had forgotten where she had put them. I came home to Ella crying, Rachel crying, both yelling at each other. It was a bloody mess.

Mark called this evening and is going to be on his way back tomorrow which is perfect, he has tomorrow off work and his father's ETA at the hospital is 1pm. I have that stupid certification class with Robert tomorrow morning from 8-12p and that will give me enough time to get Ella and be back at the hospital for the 2nd half of my shift. I'm working the E.R.

Someone needs to keep Dr. Nicholes away from my patients or we're going to have a major problem.

Reconsider Your Position

2006-02-28T02:52:00.000-06:00

Ella had a hard time getting up for school this morning, finally at 6:45 she crawled out of bed. She was cranky and upset most likely because I was rushing her to make sure we left on time. Mark took Rachel to school before his flight to San Diego which left around 8. I got Ella to school and made it back to the hospital as planned, I got Reilly up to daycare and made it to our surgical ward in record time.

It's bloody ridiculous how much bollocks we have to go through for this class. I get to surgery where I'm informed I have to be in scrubs in case if we're paged back to the hospital. By the time I changed, signed the boards and did rounds I was almost 15 minutes late. Robert saved me a seat which I shouldn't have taken. This class is complete bollocks, it's all things we know already, yet have to sit through it to get complete certification. Our Dr/Prof. informed us Surgeons if we're paged out of class we will have to make up the in class work/readings via podcast. Robert and I were paired up for an upcoming group project. At the beginning of the 3rd hour we were instructed to stand up in front of everyone and give a brief description of our current position and at what hospital. It turns out Robert and I are the only 2 from a county hospital which was mocked several times. However, it is a shame that both Robert and I were the only 2 that knew how to use several of the tools they had introduced to us. Equal mocks went in exchange.

I got through the first class and Robert and I had a debrief with Anspaugh and had many questions from the other surgeons/doctors. I'm up to my neck in C.R's. I got out of the class at almost 12:30 which made me horribly late picking Ella up from school. I got back to the hospital and made it back to Surgery where Robert and I had an emergency Appy. By the time we finished I did rounds and clocked out. I got the kids and we got home just after 6pm.

After dinner I got the kids to bed early tonight and started a paper we have to have finalized by Wednesday, Rachel and I were both at the table doing work. Rachel went to bed around 10 and I was still working at almost midnight when someone was at the door, when I answered it was a very intoxicated Robert who was less than pleasant. I got him to come inside and Mark had called, his exact words were "take a picture so he'll remember this". Although with how drunk he was I think he'll had this memory for at least the next day or two. I got him to drink some coffee and he's just lonely he has no one to come home too and doesn't like to talk about it either. He ended up passing out on the couch, I gave him a blanket and am going to let him sleep it off. I left a few bottles of water on the table next to him, afterwards I went and woke Rachel up and let her know that he was there so she wouldn't get up at 2am to see him passed out in scrubs on the couch.

He can't go far, I have his keys so at least I know he'll be safe until morning. I'm on at 8am tomorrow morning which will be nice to spend an entire day at the hospital. Hopefully Robert will be in better spirits, I do however understand why he's drunk if I could I would be too. This is incredibly overwhelming and to think that this has to balance in with work and my family without disrupting either isn't going to work. it'll be a matter of time before everything falls apart of I leave the certification. At least I know I'm not the only one.

Mark should be home tomorrow, we're hoping...He's bringing his father back and I do believe his mother as well. Figure that into the equation of work, kids, husband and school not to mention Robert. Let's play a game of hangman shall we?

The Learning Curve

2006-02-27T02:37:00.000-06:00

Robert and I have been assigned a 4 week Certification course for new surgical tools. Mondays and Wednesdays are now dedicated to 4 hours of classes. Robert and I are both bloody well pissed off about this. Tomorrow is our first class at 8am at the medical school, which means it's going to be 5 or 6 Doctors/Surgeons and 15-25 Med Students. Anspaugh's memo basically stated that we follow through with all hospital obligations surrounding the certification.. For example, tomorrow my shift is from 7:45-5:45pm. So what I have to do is get to work, sign in/clock in and sign up on the boards for ghosting/paged on call.

Mark and I both had today off which was amazing. We did absolutely nothing and it was fantastic! 75 percent of the day we spent in bed, 45 percent of which was brilliant intimacy. It was nice to see Rachel and Ella spend most of the day together, Reilly was laying on Mark smiling at him. He likes to hold Mark's fingers, his pacifier was his best friend today. Both of the kids went to sleep tonight around 7:30pm which is unusually early especially for Ella.

Tomorrow Mark is going to San Diego to help with getting his father transported to the Hospital on Tuesday afternoon. Mark offered to take Reilly with him, but I don't think it's such a good idea. I'm going to take Ella to school early so I can have enough time to get Reilly to the hospital daycare and get signed in/clocked in and make it to the class in time.

Here's hoping monday will be a good day.

One Word; Compassion

2006-02-26T03:07:00.000-06:00

I am married to the most generous man alive. He is the only one I know who puts everyone else and their feelings in front of his own. For the last 2 months Mark's father is being treated at a Military hospital, where in which (and I completely agree) they do not know what the bloody hell they are doing. Marks' mother called at 2 in the morning crying wanting to talk to Mark. They did nothing but fight, she hung up and Mark was pretty upset. I sat with him and let him vent a little and comforted him as best I could before he fell asleep at almost half past 3. I went from Mark to Reilly who had woken up.

Ruth called again which wasn't bad since Reilly was up and I had him downstairs feeding him. I talked with her about David's condition and asked to call her back, I called our hospital and talked to our ENT Specialist/Neurology and Cardiology to see what their recommendations were. I called Ruth back and asked her if she wanted David to be brought to Chicago for further treatment and proper care until he's better. She seemed relieved, after I got off the phone with her I called the hospital and told them I was a Surgeon at the hospital and we wanted a transfer to their patient by the request of family and so on. By 5 this morning David is set to be brought to Chicago on Tuesday or Wednesday.

And this wasn't even my Saturday.

One of those cases

2006-02-24T00:25:00.000-06:00

Tuesday after pulling a night shift I took Ella to school and a boy was struck by a car, after bringing him to the hospital, working on him in the E.R getting him stable then transporting him to the O.R while working on him in Surgery for almost 3 hours. He's been in a Coma now for almost 3 days.

Ella played hockey with Liam and it's taking a toll on her, even though she is just 4 years old it's something she's dealing with. She didn't go to school on Wednesday, instead she stayed home with Mark and Reilly. She did however go to school and hockey practice today and came home with a bag full of pictures, letters and get well cards from kids at her school.

Rachel has been a huge help with the situation, Reilly woke up last night and I went into his room and afterwards went to check on Ella and she wasn't in her bed when I went to ask Rachel if she had seen her Ella was sleeping in her bed with her. This morning Rachel looked exhausted and came up to me and whispered, "You could have warned me that she doesn't sleep in a still position". I couldn't help but laugh.

Tomorrow is going to be chaotic, I'm presenting a complicated surgery and donating my services the rest of my shift to the E.R. Robert and I have a scheduled Q&A at a local school. I'm putting money on the most asked question being "Have you ever killed someone". I don't know how long that's going to run for which is good because if it runs over my shift I don't have to work the E.R tomorrow. I do have to try and get out of the school before 5pm because Ella has a hockey game and I promised I'd be there for it, which I'm paying for Saturday by working with Robert.

Tomorrow is also our staff blood donation, we usually team up in pairs and draw each others blood. So it shouldn't be too bad. It's funny that nobody likes getting the Med-Student to draw their blood.

On an ending note, Ella was listening to this song today and called "Give me Novacaine" by Green Day. After listening to it, I've come to the conclusion it's bloody brilliant and sums up my week with one song.

Operation: Conjunctivitis

2006-02-19T02:30:00.000-06:00

Ella has conjunctivitis (pinkeye). I had to work today and Mark was at the local college doing a presentation. Both of the kids were sleeping when I left this morning but just after 9am our desk clerk informed me that Callie had called in regards to Ella. When I called back she said that Ella might have conjunctivitis aka pinkeye. I had her bring Ella in and when she got in it took all of 5 minutes to figure out it was pinkeye. I talked with Carter and had him look at her eyes and he came to the same conclusion, I wrote her a script which hopefully will clear it up.

Mark called me after he got home asking what was wrong with Ella so I informed him of the situation and we're just making sure that she doesn't pass it along to Reilly or Rachel. She's having a hard time not rubbing her eyes and touching everything. If her eyes don't clear up by tuesday she's not going to school, I don't want her exposing other kids to it, she already didn't go to hockey today and stayed isolated in the house. When I came home tonight from work I put gloves on and put the medicine in her eyes which made her cry not because it hurt but she hates anything near her eyes, so it's really pissing her off, and crying only makes it worse. I'm hoping we caught it early enough to get rid of quickly.

I have to look at my schedule to see if I work tomorrow (I have a feeling I'm working the night shift, or maybe I have it off) I am certain that I have Monday off. I either have Sunday/Monday off or Monday/Tuesday. Either way Mark had today and he has tomorrow off so this is nice in the least.

From First to Last

2006-02-16T00:25:00.000-06:00

The E.R and ICU are furious with our Surgical department and I don't blame them, it's a bloody mess. Robert left me hanging at the last minute with the entire surgical ward on my hands. Monday was spent assigning surgeons to patients and getting our boards on rotation. Assigning med-students and getting our Residents in programs. Yesterday wasn't much better. Kerry and I got into a conflicted heated discussion, I can't run down to the E.R every time an intern gets surgical consult happy when I've got a complete department in chaos because nothing is organized.

I worked longer than anticipated yesterday instead of a night shift I took a morning shift but stayed from 6 until 10pm last night. I was in surgery for most of the evening and had to deal with a horrible temp surgeon. What she didn't know Monday was that my position is higher than hers. So when she decided to question my order with a patient in front of the patient and E.R staff I didn't say anything. Yesterday I was paged on a consult and again she questioned my actions. I asked a trauma doctor why her suggestion was bad, when they told her that it would be fatal, before leaving I said "Congratulations you would have killed our patient". After a series of comments in surgery today I told her to scrub out and not to come back to the hospital.

Afterwards, when I came back to the E.R Carter asked if it was true and when I told him yes he laughed and thanked me. I finally today, got everything back to somewhat functionability. Everyones schedule is set, there's no confusion or wait for consult emergent surgeon. Today was good, things seemed to run much tighter and organized, Kerry appreciated that. However, an E.R doctor and I got into a verbal match tonight. Although in the end I got through from first to last patients without cause for concern.

On Alert

2006-02-13T03:02:00.000-06:00

I know that I should be asleep right now, but no matter what I do I can't sleep. I fell asleep around 10pm and woke up every half hour after that, I think I was frustrating Mark who was in fact able to sleep well. I gave up on sleep about a half an hour ago and the empty bed woke Mark up. Strange how that is, anyhow he came downstairs and we talked. I'm not sure how to take tomorrow being my first day back and the rumor mill spinning about Dr. Nicholes staying, a competition with a 2nd year Resident and Romano hiatus is putting me on uneasy water. However Mark is right, I need to focus on my work and not let other voices and rumors dispurse affect on me.

Our city is not only on a huge storm watch but in Cook County there were 6 escaped inmates from the jail and 2 of them had been caught. At this time (since this morning) I'm unaware of any others being caught but they may have been since the earlier broadcast on the news. Mark was on panic alert for the 6 hours Rachel was gone, Since the snow Ella didn't have any type of hockey going on today. Reilly being the angel that he is slept bundled up in a fleece outfit all day, bouncing between Mark and I for the majority of the afternoon.

Tomorrow's shift is 7-7. It's Callies first day (our nanny) whom has been a part of our family since Ella was a little over a year old. Ella and Rachel are out on school holiday tomorrow and Mark is working. All in all it should be an interesting couple of days.

Without Warning

2006-02-11T02:10:00.000-06:00

Everything is going about the same as the last post really. Rachel and Ella went to school today we had a rare stretch of warm weather today and sun, I guess that makes up for the snow we get in April. I changed Reilly's clothes before picking Ella up which didn't go that well considering he hates socks. Although after I got him dressed and let him scream while I put him in his carseat once the front door opened and he was exposed to the sun he got quiet. I think it shocked him, when we got to Ella's school he had managed to get both of his socks off, but I didn't want to hear him scream so I left them off. One of Ella's friends mothers commented on how small his feet were and saw him for the first time. I really can't believe he's going to be a month old on Monday, he's getting so big and doing new things everyday.

Just watching the kids grow is amazing, when Ella was a baby she had blonde hair and blue eyes, now that's shes 4 going on 5 she's gotten so much bigger with curly brown hair and green eyes. It's just amazing to watch the kids change as they get older, to be able to watch our son grow up and become his own person is going to be exciting, and scary at the same time.

Mark got off early today which was really nice. We went to Rachel's soccer game with the kids, Ella was sitting on me through most of the game yelling for Rachel and Mark had Reilly, watching him watch Reilly sleep was adorable. Afterwards we came home and the girls went upstairs while Mark and I made dinner, even though Mark didn't put Reilly down the entire time. I encouraged it though, he hasn't been able to do that lately because of work and Reilly's sleeping and this way they got to be together for an extended uninterrupted period of time.

After dinner Mark wanted to give Reilly a bath so I got his crib ready and got Ella ready for bed, all went well..the kids went to bed and Rachel's friend Ashlee came over and is staying the night. After I got Ella to bed I went into our room and got somewhat involved in watching a show called Roseanne, which I've been watching a lot of since I'm home all the time. Mark came in and I filled him in on the show, that lasted all of 20 minutes. Hes taking a shower, after he's done I'm going to take one then it'll be nice to get some sleep tonight without worrying about the girls going to school tomorrow or Mark having to work. It should be a good weekend.

Be Careful What You Wish For

2006-02-09T01:29:00.000-06:00

I previously stated that I needed to get back to work ASAP. Tonight I was granted the opportunity, not in the best of conditions. The hospital was hit with the flu wave causing everyone but Robert to call in sick, around 4 this afternoon I recieved a page with that dreaded code that basically translates "Get to the hospital, ask questions later" numerically. Having not planned or had any prepare for this I took the kids and went in. I had to fight with daycare to take Reilly because he's under the age that they allow in the daycare. I had enough time to rush around and get scrubs and my hospital ID.

I get to the E.R and it's a rush of chaos, Robert and I basically go from patient to patient and do consult rounds. 3 out of 24 needed immediate surgery. We went 2 for 3 on the night, and finished around 9pm. By the time I made it back down to the ER we had a CT consult case and things seemed pretty calm. I talked to Mark and he asked if I was ready to come back to work and part of me misses it already when the other part can't stand being away from the kids. I talked to Robert and went over the patient charts, when I was done it was almost 10:30 and I ran up to the daycare to get the kids. Ella was asleep on the floor and Reilly was in his carseat so I picked Ella up and grabbed Reilly's carseat and went down to the E.R to let Mark know I was leaving.

Much to my suprise he was off and had been for several hours so he took Ella and we went home. The kids went straight to bed and we had some tea and I took a shower, I hadn't been at work in over a month, in the O.R for much longer, but at least I have the confidence to know that I'll be okay when I return, something I was worried about after having Reilly. I go back offically on the 13th.

Panic Alert

2006-02-02T01:02:00.000-06:00

I didn't sleep very well last night and had to get up earlier than usual because Doug and Carol left for Seattle. Mark took the girls to school before he went to work and I went home with Reilly, since he was sleeping I put him in his crib and went back to bed, it was 7:30. I only slept for an hour before he started crying so that was a sign to get up. After I fed him I gave him a bath and got him dressed and by the time I cleaned the house it was time to pick Ella up.

I started an article for our Surgical Department. It turns out that this entire time I've been away Robert has been working on the schedule. I start back to work on the 13th, however Dr.Nicholes doesn't stop working until the 17th. I think Robert did this intentionally because he knows I don't get along with her. Now, seeing as though I'm ACOS I've elected to go on a two week rotation with another elected surgical round.

Whenever Mark comes home from work and Reilly is awake and hears his voice he gets a glued on smile, it's adorable. He thinks anything his sisters do is funny, even when they're not trying to be. Rachel was on the phone yelling at her friend when I was making dinner and Reilly was in his high chair and he started smiling at her and I thought he was going to start laughing. Of course this made me laugh and it took her a minute to get that the baby found her to be funny. Rachel went to bed early tonight and I went in her room to get Reilly's pacifier and on her desk she has a ton of pictures with the kids. One is of her laying down with Reilly sleeping on her and Ella kissing his head. The one above it is of Rachel blowing a bubble with gum and Ella trying to pop it. The only other one I saw was of Rachel and Ella making the same face to each other. The love these kids have is incredible.

The smallest things are exciting me, I really need to go back to work. ASAP.

A Sigh; A Change

2006-01-28T01:02:00.000-06:00

Since our fight, Mark and I have been closer than ever. It's a great feeling and I think it took our marriage blowing up like it did for us to 'crash' into one another like we did. Ever since we talked and got everything out in the open, we're seeing signs of changes for the better.

Ella has a cold, I kept her home from school. She woke up in the middle of the night and came in our room to wake Mark and I up to tell us she needed to go to the hospital because she was sick. I took her temperature but no fever, she couldn't talk very well because of congestion so I gave her some medicine and she slept with Mark and I for a few hours. I love my daughter to death but she doesn't sleep in one spot all night. She was tossing, turning and kicking us all night. Everytime she would wake me up I'd look over and Mark was wide awake as well..Finally around 5:30 she was in a deep enough sleep to be still.

Rachel went to school this morning, and Marks parents are leaving Sunday morning so we're having a nice dinner for them tomorrow night. Mark invited Susan, Luka, Carter, and Abby to join us. It'll be interesting to say the least, It's a special dinner not only because we want to thank them for coming all the way down here but also good friends of ours Doug and Carol are flying in for a visit. We went to Seattle a little over a year ago to see them and their daughters. It was lovely, now they're making a return to Chicago.

Everytime Reilly hears Marks voice he smiles, it's adorable. He's sleeping in good portions of the night only waking up once or twice a night. For the most part he's being a great baby, then again like Susan said, "Wait until You go back to work Elizabeth". I can only imagine how hellish it's going to be, he'll decide to stay up all night and sleep all day and we'll have big problems. I go back to work on the 13th or 14th of Feb. Callie starts on the 27th of Feb so for a few weeks Reilly and Ella are going to be at the Hospital Daycare, which...We had to beg them to take Reilly because they usually don't take infants. Throwing ego weight around is always fun. Mark being the Senior Attending of the E.R and I'm Associate Chief of Surgery, someone somewhere must have listened.

"One Thing"

2006-01-25T23:53:00.000-06:00

While driving home yesterday, Rachel had left a cd in the car and this song came on that I fell in love with. When I got home I asked her what the song was and she said it was Finger Eleven - "One Thing". I think I'm starting to come around to Rachel's taste in music.

Mark and I aren't talking as of right now, We got into a screaming match this afternoon over Ella. Long story short, we didn't speak the rest of the afternoon/night. He left for the hospital tonight around 6pm. I think when we fight we intentionally try to upset each other. I am incredibly hurt right now, the things we were saying weren't necessary and if I could do it over again I would handle it better. I couldn't look at him tonight without wanting to cry or become teary eyed.

Ella is supposed to start soccer next monday, which means instead of her getting out of school at 12pm she goes straight to soccer and gets picked up at 1:30pm. If Mark would have listened to me instead of fighting with me about it, he'd realize it was a good decision. We have a Nanny Callie, She is a college student who couldn't look after the kids before 12pm. So now that Ella doesn't need to be picked up it's going to be easier on everyone, plus it gives her something to do other than play video games and watch tv.

Mark's parents are still here, they leave either this weekend or next week? I'm really not sure..Since Mark and I aren't talking it's hard to say what's going on. His mother asked if we were fighting and I started crying, how horrible. The last two days I've had the worst sore throat, swollen when I wake up and hard to swallow. I have an appointment tomorrow for a post baby follow up. I don't think Mark is going to be there, Better yet, it's actually at the hospital. I'm almost looking forward to the appointment because I'm going to have someone in the ER run a rapid strep test on me, and get a laryngscope put in my throat to make sure I don't have an infection/strep. I've also never had my tonsils out, I'm hoping I'll never need them taken out but we'll see. I think I might just have a cold/stress flu.

At the end of the day I just want to be on better terms with Mark, I did call and leave a message for him at the hospital which just so happens to be out of the norm for me, but when in rome...I pretty much poured my heart out in the message, crying and all but I just need him to know how I feel. For better or worse I presume, at least I said everything I needed to say.

Long Distance Phone Calls

2006-01-22T23:04:00.000-06:00

My father phoned me today to ask how everyone was doing, and to inform me that he had recieved Reilly's pictures via Email. His exact words, "He's going to grow up to be a charming bloke just like his father." My fathers phone calls are always a pleasure.

Emotions Running High

2006-01-21T01:34:00.000-06:00

When I had Ella, the two weeks after she was born was bloody awful. I thought that all of the emotional highs and lows I was going through was due to stress and having been through everything with Mark. Well, now having Reilly I am aware that it wasn't my husbands health scare, nor was it stress but simply my emotions are dammed. I don't cry a lot, but I am finding myself crying over little things. For example, I was driving to the store with Reilly and Come Sail Away on Mark's cd came on and it brought tears to my eyes. I cried last night when Mark came home from work just because he was home. There must be something wrong with me, Robert made me cry over the phone the other day but that's not saying much considering.

Yesterday Rachel put her iPod on Reilly and I thought it was a bad habit to get him into until this afternoon. I was running late to pick Ella up from school and had to rush, Reilly was asleep in his crib when I woke him up and he threw a fit. I put him in his carseat and he screamed and cried, my neighbor across the street thought it was hilarious. Since he cried the entire way to her school I just took him out of his carseat and grabbed his blanket and walked to her classroom. He fell asleep as we were waiting for her class to be dismissed. One of the other mothers came over and asked me a series of questions, (1) who I was, (2) which child was mine, (3) how old, what name, what gender the baby was. I told her I was Ella's mother, Elizabeth and my son, Reilly was a week old. She asked me if Ella was the kid that got strep throat spread around the classroom. I told her, "No because ordinarily children under the age of 5 don't carry the illness and we checked her throat with a larygnscope just to be sure". Yeah, that shut her up. Ella came out and the mother said "Oh you took her to the doctor" and I turned and said, "No need, I am a doctor".

Reilly slept the entire walk back to the car even through Ella's talking and managed to sleep through me putting him in his carseat and driving home. He slept tonight while I was making dinner and when he woke up Rachel put her iPod on his ears and turned his swing on. Mark came home and was almost in shock that he was asleep like that. He spent a lot of time with Reilly tonight. Ella didn't like that at all, The keyword for us is going to be balance. Yes, Balance

Social Dinner

2006-01-19T16:47:00.000-06:00

I got a phone call at 5:30 in the morning from Robert. He phoned me to ask if I was at all interested in doing his charts via the internet. Say no more I did over 30 charts and put together a presentation of notes for him. Of course I'm no pillick, If I do this for him when I return to work I have a guarenteed spot in Surgery vs. doing two weeks of "light load" aka, scut work. So as the Americans say, "You scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours".

Jeff came over and put all the finishing touches on the house. Our kitchen monitor works, the only bad part is that Ella now watches tv instead of eating her breakfast. Rachel's mum Jenn came over and picked Rachel up to take her to breakfast and then drop her off at school. Mark went back to work and his dad was into this show on the history network. I took Mark's mum with me this morning to drop Ella off at school. We took Reilly to the store with us and she helped me get a variety of foods for dinner tonight. We came home and I put everything away and Jeff was finished with the house, he said he was going to talk to Mark tomorrow. Reilly had a bottle and went down for his nap, he slept longer than usual so Ruth offered to watch him while I picked up Ella from school at 12:45.

I went to pick Ella up and she didn't seem right, she was quite pale and had a bad rasp to her voice. Her teacher said she didn't participate in any of the activities and wanted to go home, yet...they never called me, what a fantastic school. She came home and has been drinking ice water that seems to be working.

Jenn is coming over at 7:45 with her husband for dinner with Marks parents, Mark, Rachel and I. I'm hoping to get Reilly and Ella fed and in bed by then. I know it's a long shot but it's worth a shot in the least.

Remodel

2006-01-18T15:49:00.000-06:00

Mark's parents flew in yesterday and have been a huge help for us so far. I took the girls to school yesterday and was able to talk to Ella's teacher about her missing days last week. Ella had a hard time getting up for school this morning, she didn't want to get up and kept going back to bed. Mark's mum told us that Ella should take a 'sick' day and sleep. That wasn't going to happen, she went to school.

We took Reilly to his first appointment this morning, Mark and I took him to see everyone at work and he kept smiling at Susan and Robert. Carter gave us some baby scrubs that the staff had custom made for him, they say Dr. Corday-Greene. It was a sweet gesture on behalf of the staff we work with, we have great friends there. His appointment went well, even the blood draw wasn't that big of a deal for him. After his appointment one of the doctors told me I needed to see my doctor on Thursday (tomorrow). Mark laughed at me.

We went home and Mark decided to take Reilly along with his parents to get this imported coffee. I felt like I was going crazy having nothing to do, no one at home except the crew working on the kitchen. I ended up doing charts via email courtesy of Robert. By the time Mark got home I had to leave to pick up Ella from school. When I arrived at school her teacher wanted to speak with me. She told me that Ella was favoring a sore throat and hands me a newsletter which explains that Ella has been exposed to Streptococcus. This is why I keep telling Mark I don't want her going to this school. Well, if she comes down with a fever then we'll know. Tonight is Rachel's Drama Theatre Group, the deal with this is that Rachel had to take on the Drama or any extra activity that wasn't sports in order to keep a high GPA to get into a University. This starts at 7pm.

Tomorrow is the last day we'll have anyone in our house for the remodel. It has taken a very long time to get to where we are but the house looks amazing. We had a lot of work done in all of the rooms.

Front Door/Foyer: We had the light wood floor removed and put a dark cherrywood floor in, the wood at the entrance was removed and we put a square of marble tile in.

Living Room/Family Room: We had the carpet removed and had the cherrywood floor put in with a shaggy cream rug in the centre of the room. The walls are now cream with a darker tan ceiling and stark white ceiling molding and a bigger floor molding in the entire house. The colors in the living room are cream and gray. In the family room we had a tan berber carpet, brown ceiling and cream walls with the same white molding. The window treatments are cream with 1 inch wood blinds.

Kitchen/Dining Room: The kitchen was the biggest remodel, we had the white tile replaced with a rough tan tile. All of the cabinets were refinished, they're now dark cherry with gray/black granite counters. We had a ripple glass put in alll of the cabinets and all the appliances are now stainless steel. We had the french doors replaced with a different glass and had gray window sheer treatments and the same 1 inch blinds, we also put white ceiling and floor molding up. Our dining room now has a glass top table, new lighting, we went with a charcoal paint with white molding, 1 inch blinds, and cherrywood floors.

Foyer/Stairs: We had the stairs redone, the same tan berber carpet is on the stairs and upstairs hallway in all the rooms and in rachel's room. We had the walls painted tan and the rail for the stairs is stark white with the dark cherrywood top.

Master Bedroom/Bath: Our bedroom is grays and whites. We had the ceiling done a chocolate brown with a nice cap molding to blend the ceiling and tan walls together. We went with brown and gray bedding with cream pillows. We have the same tan berber carpet as the hallway. Since we have french doors in the room we had the same ones from the kitchen put in with gray and brown sheer treatments and 1 inch blinds. Our bathroom is different,we have red and cream and molding with 1 inch blinds.

Ella's Room: The only thing we did in her room was new tan carpet, her walls are a very pale almost white pink with a darker purple blueish ceiling which blends the white molding. We put 1 inch blinds with a purple and pink sheer treatment and a light pink valance. Everything else is an alice in wonderland theme.

Rachel's Room: We replaced her carpet with the tan and added 1 inch blinds. Her walls are red so we let her paint her ceiling black with the white molding on the ceiling and floor. Her friend painted a huge star (It's called a Nautical star) on her wall above her bed with the words "Loving Life Living" it actually looks pretty nice.

Reilly's Room: We had his room done before he was born, the tan carpet and blue walls (which are that blue color that can be for either a boy or a girl) it's pretty italic not very pastel. We put up the ceiling and floor molding and did the 1 inch blinds with a red valance and blue sheer treatments.

Upstairs Bathrooom (Ella/Rachel's): We had charcoal gray tile put in and had the cabinets refinished with a light wood color and painted the walls charcoal gray and have a stripe on each wall with pink plaid. It's quite bizarre. There are off setting plaid pink stripes on each wall and the granite counter top has pink in the gray and black. We did gray and pink linnen.

Overall: We had the doors replaced in all the rooms with a raised panel designed door and silver hardware. All of the glass in the kitchen/bathrooms is rippled glass. We also had all of the closest doors replaced with the same raised panel as the bedroom doors. We finally got around to putting the flat screen tv's on the walls. family room, our bedroom, rachels room and ella's room all have flat screens and we have a montior screen in the kitchen. We replaced the light switches in all of the rooms and got a new glass front door. All in all the house looks great, Marks parents were in awe of how nice everything looks.Mark wants to do the yards in the spring, good luck with all of that.

Sleepless In Chicago

2006-01-17T02:12:00.000-06:00

My sleep pattern is all shot to hell. Reilly is sleeping most of the night, he wakes up once or twice but that's it. He has a doctors appointment tomorrow at 10:40am. Ella and Rachel had today off from school, they both go back tomorrow. Mark goes back to work on Wednesday so until then I've got him around which is lovely. Our son is a character already, he's the complete opposite of what Ella was, she was fragile and gentle and fussy. Reilly on the other hand is nothing like that, he sleeps through most of the night overall he's quiet and rather content when you lay him down. He loves his swing and bouncer, Mark put him in his swing today so that he could play xbox with Ella and he slept the entire time. He loves his bouncer right before he goes to bed at night, after his bath. He doesn't like getting a bath, I think that's the only thing he screams about.

I've got to take Ella to school tomorrow to go speak with her IM about being absent Tuesday-Friday. Then again, I think if she sees the baby she'll understand, it's not as if this is a real mandatory school. It keeps her busy during the day and allows her to be better prepared for Preschool next year. My mother called and is furious that my father is coming out tomorrow to see the baby, I couldn't imagine why she would be upset. Doug and Carol are good friends with Mark and I. They used to work at CGH but moved a few years ago. They are coming out with their daughters Kate and Tess in the latter part of the week.

Abby came over with Susan and said they couldn't believe how much Reilly looks like Mark, I completely agree. He is a spitting image of Mark. He has curly light brown hair, and at the moment blue eyes. He was sleeping on Mark this afternoon and they were making the same face, Rachel said she couldn't believe how much they look alike. I told Mark last night that if I couldn't have this life with him then I wouldn't want this life at all, and by life I mean, family, kids, work and him.

The Birth of Our Son

2006-01-16T01:12:00.000-06:00

Mark and I welcomed the arrival of our son Reilly Landon Marcus Greene at 2:03am on Friday January 13, 2006. Reilly weighed 7.2lbs at 17" in length.

Early last week I started feeling sick, which I presumed was just gastroenteritis. David (Mark's father) was in the hospital so Mark took Ella to San Diego to make sure he was going to be alright. Wednesday I finished the baby's room. Rachel and I put all of the bedding in the crib and put the swing and bouncer together. I put all of the clothes and blankets away. Rachel helped me wash all of the bottles and I organized the changing table and put everything else in a spot somewhere. Afterwards I cleaned the house, it was spotless with a lot of the credit going to Rachel's help. By Wednesday night I was having contractions that I was hoping would go away. Mark called and I told him what was going on he told me to stay in bed and sleep. He thought it was because I had been running around all day.

Thursday morning was just the same as Wednesday night, I talked to Mark early in the morning and he and Ella were taking a flight home since his father was feeling better and going to be going home. I slept for most of the day, or at least I tried. Around 5 or so I thought that maybe a bath would help. I went back to bed after a long bath and woke up at almost 11pm to a fairly strong contraction. Rachel asked me how bad it was and I quite honestly couldn't give her an answer. I felt as though I had a fever and took my temperature. It was a solid 102, I waited about 45 minutes before going to the hospital.

I arrived at the ER and had Abby call my O.B. Robert and Kerry were on call and were concerned about my fever so they wanted to monitor me until Dr. Corburn was able to come down. About 20 minutes later Chuny comes in to tell me that Dr. Corburn (My O.B) was out of town on a conference and her flight was cancelled due to bad weather. It really wasn't the kind of news I wanted to hear. I told her to get me an attending and my worst fears had come true.

In walks Robert, he had this almost enjoyable grin upon his face. The first words out of his mouth are, "Lizzy, how are we doing tonight?" I didn't bother with a response. He asked me how long I had a fever for and checked the IV's that Chuny had done for me and left. Chuny looks over and sighs, she says... "I'm sorry Dr. Corday, it's either him or Weaver, Susan and Luka are off and Carter hasn't come in yet". She asked me if there was anyone she'd like me to call and I had her page Mark.

I look up at the clock and it says 12:28am. Having been put in a curtain area there was an irritated man next to me asking me if I was a doctor and when I told him I was he told me that he had been there first and that I wasn't a priority case. Finally Robert comes back in and the man begins to yell at him, knowing Robert he says "Well sir on your way out tonight feel free to grab a comment card and after you fill it out you can shove it up your arse"....he closed the curtain and pulls up a chair and says, "Lizzy, Dr. Corburn won't be able to deliver the baby. We want to move you from this curtain area to an Exam or Trauma Room." Robert tossed a gown on the bed before leaving the room. I changed and Kerry comes in to ask me if I'm ready to move to another room.I told her I wanted to walk, as a doctor I very much dislike the 'patient' feeling. I stood up and Kerry asked me if I was alright and I told her I was, Robert took the IV stand and we started to walk. I felt like I was walking for a bloody mile, it was awful. The contractions were coming much closer together and a lot stronger, I stopped twice in the hallway and the 2nd time I stopped Robert said "Come on Lizzy if you walk any slower your going to have this baby in the hallway". I turned and shouted at him, "Robert if you keep talking your going to be grateful you work in a hospital". Kerry broke up the conversation by asking me if I wanted Trauma Room 2 or Exam Room 3. I stopped and looked down at the ground from pain of another contraction when my water broke. Robert turns and says, "Well I think we'll take whatever the hell is closest".

I got to the bed and asked Kerry what time it was and she said 12:43am. Carter came in and asked how I was doing, and to see if i needed anything. Kerry came back in and asked me if Robert had told me about Dr. Corburn. I told her I was aware of the situation and didn't want Juytentric to deliver the baby. I wasn't comfortable with it, Kerry told me that she was going to tell the L&D that I was being monitored for a fever and it was important to stay in the E.R. She came back and told me that someone in the E.R would have to deliver, my choices were Kerry, Carter, Mark or Romano (C-Section). She told me to take a deep breath and rest. I woke up again at about 1:26am to the monitor beeping, I leaned over and checked it and shut it off when Robert came in and asked "What the hell are you doing?", I told him "I'm setting the monitor because it had been beeping" He told me not to touch it, he left and Chuny asked me if it was hard being a patient and not a doctor, I told her it was brutal.

I told her I felt sick, she handed me KD. I was sitting up in hardly the best position feeling like I was going to vomit when Mark walks in with Ella. She gave me a hug and told me to feel better, Mark said he'd be right back and took Ella to be with Rachel. It was perfect timing as they left I ended up throwing up. Mark came back and was looking at the monitors and checked my temperature and I told him my water broke in the hallway with Robert and Kerry. He thought it was bloody hilarious, He sat with me and I told him I was afraid he was going to miss the birth and I would be going through it alone. I started crying and he was a real comfort to me, it was quite lovely the way he reacted. The pain was getting worse, and there was nothing I could do about it. Breathing did nothing for me and the more everyone would tell me to breathe the less I would breathe.

Kerry came back in and told me that I needed to start pushing, Mark told me to relax and calm down and it didn't work to be brutally frank. I believe I got through three pushes before giving up and telling Mark I couldn't do it. Sam left the room and Kerry didn't know what to say, I think she was in a state of shock. A side of me she has never, and I hope never has to see again. I took a deep breath and pushed again, Sam came back in with Robert and Kerry said to me "Elizabeth if you don't push then we are going to have to have Robert perform a C-Secton, and I don't think you want that" Robert walked over and got right in my ear and said "Your a lot stronger than this lizzy, and if this is as strong as you are than you've just completely disappointed me" I put my head down and he said "Would you like to know the recovery rate on a C-Secton vs. a Natural birth, I hope you don't plan on coming back to work anytime soon beca...."I cut him off by telling him I knew he told Kerry and I to carry on and smiled as he walked out. I got through 5 more minutes of hard labor when I felt as if every part of my body was working against me. Kerry called Mark over to her and he had tears in his eyes, I freaked out them and asked them what was wrong, Mark came over and told me he could see the head and I need to keep pushing. I told him I didn't think I could do it, He said "Yes you can, You can...I know you can do this" I started breathing and he just out of nowhere started singing softly in my ear the words to Come Sail Away by the Styx. I got through two more pushes and finally at 2:03am Mark is singing Come Sail Away and Kerry says It's a Boy as he starts to cry. I was crying, Mark was crying and Kerry was choked up. Before she could leave I had her come over to me and I grabbed her hand. She was in shock and I told her thank you for everything. I gave her a hug and she smiled and said your welcome.

Later that morning we got a room upstairs and Carter, Luka, Abby, and Susan came up to see the baby. Ella held him and was telling him all about Nintendo DS and that she loved him. Carter asked us what we named him and I told him Reilly Landon Marcus Greene. Mark went home around 8am to shower and check on Ella. I fell asleep, I woke up to see Robert holding the baby telling him about the hospital and explaining vascular surgery. I told him thank you for what he said and he told me not to worry about it, he said that's what we do for each other. Surgeons stick together, I started to laugh. He said he had to get back to the O.R but he wanted to see the baby and make sure I was okay. We were in the hospital the rest of Friday and finally discharged on Saturday Morning around 7am. The baby is doing great, aside from being tired I think Mark and I are doing alright. We just have to find a balance between two kids and work.

Topics A-Z

2006-01-11T19:05:00.000-06:00

Mark's father was hospitalized on Tuesday and Mark flew out that night to be with him, he's called everyday though. Rachel stayed and is going to school and Mark took Ella with him, I miss them both. I was cut off from the hospital so now I'm stuck at home doing nothing, waiting for this child to be born. The baby's room is almost done, We painted the walls a very midtone blue color, it looks better than it sounds since the ceiling molding and floor molding is stark white. We've got sort of this theme from the movie Robots, its quite weird. The colors look lovely though. Mark and John moved everything in the room so while Mark and Ella are in San Diego I am going to get everything put away that way it's done when they get back.

Like Mother, Unlike Daughter

2005-12-29T02:19:00.000-06:00

After becoming a mother I have come to the understanding that I am unlike my own mother. A fear I have had for the longest time, not because my mother was a bad mother. When I was born my mother took a three week holiday away from me, I spent the rest of my early childhood with different Nannies until I was 5. After that it was boarding school until I was a teenager. I built up such a terrible grudge against my mother and fortunate for me we live worlds apart. I see the way Mark and his parents get on with each other and I see the distant tension that I have with my parents and a part of me feels incredible sadness and the other part is determination to never have this kind of relationship with my daughter.

Summary of the week, Rachel left to spend New Years with her mother, Work has been relatively moderate and uneventful. Robert has me doing Surgeon Reviews all week, he says that evaluations never hurt anyone. I would give almost anything to have this baby out of me. I've been doing yoga, and it's not really doing anything for me.

Seasons

2005-12-21T02:46:00.000-06:00

Mark and I were talking tonight, and we have come to a mutual decision that the only season that isn't chaotic is Summer for us. I had yesterday off and Ella had Pajama Pancake Day at school, I cleaned the entire house which took all of 4 hours and was bloody awful, but now I can say it's officially spotless.

I don't know how horribly I'm failing at being at home with Ella 24/7, I think I'm starting to get on her nerves. It's boring to say the least. I'm either doing paperwork or doing memo's. I could never be a stay at home mother. My hat goes off to all that do it.

Healers Hands

2005-12-14T03:56:00.000-06:00

The hospital was like "survival of the fittest". I worked a night shift on Tuesday night for Wednesday morning, but I had a surgical assist with Robert at 9am. The two worst things clashing, Elizabeth without sleep and Robert and his comments. Surgery went well, I had paperwork to do today so I stayed at the hospital until 11am or so.

I picked Ella up from school today, It's sort of an odd setting, the parents aren't allowed on campus until the bell rings and you have to have identification to enter the grounds. I was standing outside with about 4 other parents and one of them said "I've never seen you here before, who are you picking up" I said "Ella" and she said "Oh, are you Dr.Greene's wife", "Yes" I replied, she extended her hand and gave me her name. I replied with, "Nice to meet you I'm Elizabeth Corday". She went on to ask me where I was from because of my accent. The bell couldn't ring any faster, she asked me if I was a homemaker, and I told her "No, if that was the case I'd be picking her up every day after school" she laughed and asked me what I did for a living I told her I worked at County General, and this is the funny part. She asked me if I was a nurse. Why is that the first assumption out of everyone? I said, "No actually I'm a trauma surgeon" she gave me a funny look and said "oh"... FINALLY the bell rang, of course I couldn't just have had the woman walk away, she then says "I didn't know they allowed surgeons to operate in their 8th month" Lovely, considering I'm not in my 8th month. What a twat.

Rachel's birthday is tomorrow and her mother wanted her to come home so she left tonight to be with her mother, Mark thinks that Jennifer is going to talk Rachel into staying and it's going to be a blown out dramatic situation. We'll see...anything is possible.

Robert, Jeremy, and I are up for BR tomorrow, I think it's damned for failure, they shouldn't put doctors through this madness over shoddy charts.

The beginning of the end

2005-12-01T04:01:00.000-06:00

My schedule for this month is a mess. No surgical hours, all paperwork and articles. Not to mention budget and procedure purposals. I guess this is the hospitals way of putting me on scut/light duty work. Mark has a semi-balanced schedule, his hours are longer and his shifts are closer together with odd days off. I'm not looking forward to the month of December.

6-1 Odds

2005-11-16T23:43:00.000-06:00

Tuesday was really really draining. It's not so bad when you get pulled into multi trauma situations, or even having to do lengthy surgeries. It is however bad when a med student assisting a surgery screws up and you end up taking over what was to be a 2 hour surgery a now 5 1/2 hour surgery.

I had to go in two hours early because one of my patients were crashing. This gets me into work around 6 in the morning. We had a patient at the end of the day that shook us up pretty good. Can you believe that is still possible? Mark is like a big wave, you are forced to crash into it, but it is your choice to either drown in the undertow or swim with it and allow it to take you to whatever destiny is at the end of the current. That is the best way to describe my husband, he has the most emotional eyes.

Mark and I worked out our shifts so that the Ella won't have to go to the Hospital Daycare. It seemed like for the first time this was going to work out in our favor, Until I went up to Surgery. My shifts had been changed, I am back at square one. The Nurse on call said that Robert had changed the board. He of course was nowhere to be found, so when I phoned him, his only response to this was "Oh come on lizzy, the drunks love your accent". The last time I treated a drunk patient he called me a bitch for examining him, demanded an American doctor and then vomited on me.

One week closer to Thanksgiving, My mother flies in on Saturday night, Rachel on Sunday and another on Tuesday. This gives me 2 days to make our house look presentable and not so much like a tornado of Ella's toys. I've really not a clue how to get everything done. I simply can not wait for the sarcastic comments that will come from my mother, and even though we have a daughter it won't etch her points of pregnancy care.

Robert told Ella the "Surgeons Turkey Story", now she's afraid of Thanksgiving. I'm going to talk to Robert tomorrow about his suddden urge to change my shifts, and get on the search for my scrubs. (You really don't want to know). I think Ella has hidden my Hospital ID.

"Vascular surgery is just like sex, it's messy, fun, and when done right you leave satisfied"

36 hours

2005-11-14T22:08:00.000-06:00

I've not been up this long since being on surgical rotations as an intern. Ella has been sick since Friday night, Mark was convinced it was a mild cold until she started getting sick. Today makes day three, it's been lovely. I was paged into work on Sunday mornng around 4am for an Emergency AAA rupture. What part of "I'm Pregnant" Does Robert not understand.

Ella's nanny is going out of town for the Thanksgiving holiday on Wednesday so this gives me a little over a day to figure something out with a nanny conflict. I might have to change my schedules around to the daycare at work in hopes that she can be there during the day and I can go up to peds and get them after work. I was able to get Ella to bed about 20 minutes ago, poor darling was exhausted from being ill.

In Surgery, We Call This The Hat Trick

2005-10-09T02:49:00.000-05:00

There is a surgeon by the name of Robert Romano who feels it's his duty to humiliate fellow surgeons and their med students in front of patients and their families. We had a Major Trauma come in with 4 critical and 5 minor. I have a med student on rotation and was working on call with Peter, lets just say that out of 4 we only had good news to deliver to one awaiting family. All of this before 1pm.

I almost feel like I own the acronym CYA. This afternoon we had a very simple surgical candidate that I thought would be a great opportunity for my Med Student to work on with me. As we are scrubbing in Robert comes in and says he's assisting instead of Anspaugh because, quote.. "I want to see this hat trick team get a killer save". Over the years I've learned to read between his lines but my Med Student actually thought he was complimenting him. I looked over at him and said "Well not all of us have the ability to assist on a surgery and take full credit in the end." and I walked out. Robert was right, my med student wasn't ready, things went horribly wrong and I ended up bailing myself, Robert and my med student out. This gave me ownership of the acronym CYA.

7pm. I talked to the family and checked on the patient while on rounds. Robert found me in the ER and decided that Triage was a great place to shout at me about what happened, and right in front of my med student which I prefer, because now he knows exactly what happens when he doesn't follow through with his end of studies and involvment. In the end, work was horrible today and I can't describe how lovely it will be to have tomorrow off.

I had a good cry on Marks shoulder. Now I'm looking forward to going to bed. I really like the blogging, it's almost like a venting station...even if no one reads this (which I don't blame them) it's a great way to sort my feelings. Now I know why most of the people at the hospital use this.

A feeling Less Ordinary

2005-08-14T21:48:00.000-05:00

I'm going to keep this brief, I thought I was pregnant. It turns out that I am indeed pregnant. I told Mark, and everything is going well. I'm going to keep working until I feel it impossible. I can't talk about much of what's going on at work. I can safely say that Robert is behind my actions and at the moment if it doesn't get cleared up I might start a very premature maternity leave.

E.S.O.S, As Robert Calls It

2005-07-17T15:42:00.000-05:00

I had an M&M at 1pm this afternoon, I presume it went as well as it could have given the circumstances. The only thing that concerns me is that, hospital position changes take place today and tomorrow, I have a bid in but I think after the M&M I may have just lost any shot at getting it.

Robert called me early this morning to ask me if I had heard about the devistastion in England, I told him I was aware and he said that was good because he booked a flight for me to leave Chicago at 7pm tonight to fly to England and be a part of the U.S fellowship ESOS, better known as Emergency Services Over Seas. I'm not sure if that's the actual name for it or if he was just making it up as he was going along to get me on this 7pm flight. I declined the offer and he said, "That's a shame Lizzy because I had first choice at the position you put in for, but if you can't make it maybe Peter can and that would make my decision with the staff positions a lot easier". I guess it's obvious to say he's throwing this in my face. Which wouldn't be the first time, so I've accepted and have to leave at 7pm this evening to England.

I told Mark what was going on and he supports my decision, I'll be gone for the rest of the week and this overwrites my hospital duties which is almost worth it because I was on nights and had a Med Student rotation. Mark told me that everything with Ella will be fine but I'm a skeptic.

Jeremy Lawson is going to be taking my place at the hospital for the next few days, I leave today and return next Sunday. Unless something prevents that from happening. Wish me luck.

Bookends

2005-06-03T00:15:00.000-05:00

I woke up in a cold sweat this morning with a panic like shortness of breath, I looked next to me and Mark was still much asleep and I closed my eyes and laid back down. I had the worst dream which involved a sappy randition of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". He woke up to my faint breathing and leaned over me and whispering in my ear asked me if I was alright he stroked my back and held me close for another hour. Which was much needed because I won't be seeing him today, he's on a night shift.